Women in the military community—whether as service members or spouses—carry immense responsibilities. Their experiences are distinct, yet both are shaped by the unique demands of military life, leaving lasting emotional, psychological, and physical impacts. By recognizing their resilience and developing skills to promote individual healing we can breed self-compassion, foster meaningful conversations, break down stigma, and advocate for true and lasting wellness.

Unique Roles, Shared Challenges: The Experience of Female Veterans and Military Spouses

Women in these roles often face significant challenges related to physical and mental health. Frequent relocations, deployment instability, and career disruptions can create chronic stress, impacting social stability, employment opportunities, and family dynamics.

For military spouses, long periods of solo parenting and household management during deployments can lead to caregiver burnout. Female veterans, on the other hand, often contend with career stress, trauma exposure, and the complex process of reintegrating into civilian life—all while facing unique stigmas tied to their military service and their role in the household.

The Weight of Caregiving: Understanding Burnout

For many military spouses, caregiving extends beyond parenting—it often involves supporting a partner through post-service challenges like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or traumatic brain injury (TBI). This emotional and logistical load can lead to burnout, manifesting in:

  • Emotional signs: Exhaustion, mood swings, increased cynicism, feelings of helplessness.
  • Behavioral shifts: Reduced motivation, social withdrawal, neglecting self-care, reliance on substances.
  • Cognitive struggles: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, impaired decision-making.
  • Physical effects: Fatigue, muscle pain, weakened immune system, poor sleep hygiene, and changes in appetite.

Research shows that women are more likely to experience caregiver burnout than men. For military spouses, this risk is compounded by an inequitable division of caregiving duties, disruptions in support systems, and the emotional toll of worrying about their partner’s safety during deployments.

Beyond burnout, spouses are also at risk of secondary trauma—absorbing the stress, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms of their service member partner. Modern research affirms that trauma is stored in the body, making its effects deeply intertwined with physical and mental health.

“True transformation begins with self-compassion. It softens the edges of our pain, allowing us to see ourselves with love—and in doing so, we expand our capacity to love others. Healing is not selfish; it is the foundation of a more compassionate world.”
— Abi Dorhosti, Veteran, VETS Grant Recipient, PhD Candidate in Transpersonal Psychology

Female Veterans: Strength, Stigma, and Seeking Support

Female veterans face a unique set of challenges as they navigate both their military identity and the realities of civilian life. Many deal with:

  • Military sexual trauma (MST)
  • PTSD and anxiety
  • Balancing family responsibilities with career transitions
  • Reduced access to healthcare
  • Social isolation
  • The stigma of seeking support

Despite these obstacles, one undeniable trait unites them: resilience.

“In the military, I learned early on that blending in was the best way to survive. I wanted to be accepted as part of the team, and to do that, I had to learn to brush things off and keep moving forward.

For a long time, I believed resilience meant enduring—pushing forward no matter what. But I’ve come to realize that true strength isn’t just about carrying the weight—it’s about learning when to set it down.”
— Lauren Myers, Former Air Force Pilot, VETS Grant Recipient

Both military spouses and female veterans possess the power to transform their lives and communities. Change starts from within—when women prioritize their well-being, they create ripple effects that strengthen their families and the broader military community.

“Healing is not about erasing the past; it’s about reclaiming your wholeness. The more we extend kindness to ourselves, the more we expand our ability to love others—not from depletion, but from a place of fullness and truth.”
— Abi Dorhosti, Veteran, VETS Grant Recipient, PhD Candidate in Transpersonal Psychology

Resilient Women, Practical Wellness: Strategies for Self-Care and Stress Management

Proactively investing in self-care and stress management can disrupt the patterns that lead to burnout, ultimately improving overall well-being.

Lifestyle Changes for Long-Term Wellness:

  • Build a strong support network
  • Seek professional or peer support
  • Explore alternative trauma-healing methods
  • Develop new skills (e.g., communication, time management, parenting)
  • Create healthier habits (nutrition, sleep hygiene, movement)

Self-Care Essentials:

  • Set and maintain boundaries
  • Identify and reduce codependent tendencies
  • Find healthy emotional outlets (journaling, support groups)
  • Engage in physical movement and somatic practices
  • Prioritize hydration, nature, and goal-setting
  • Make space for joy and fun

Stress Management Techniques:

  • Delegate tasks and responsibilities
  • Practice mindfulness and meditation
  • Maintain a structured sleep routine
  • Engage with a trusted support system
  • Consider holistic approaches like breathwork or trauma-release exercises

Through my work with individuals and families, I’ve seen firsthand how these seemingly small shifts activate resilience, improve self-esteem, and promote intrinsic change. When women recognize their strengths and resources, they shift from focusing on their struggles to what can be done to create meaningful transformation in their lives.

“As a military spouse to a special forces veteran, I’ve witnessed firsthand the toll that years of service take—not just on the person wearing the uniform, but on the entire family. My husband’s healing journey became the catalyst for my own.

That one decision sparked a complete lifestyle shift for our entire family, breaking generational cycles and planting seeds of healing and wholeness for the future. And it all started with the courage to say yes.”
— Becca Thompson, VETS Grant Recipient

Finding Strength Through Community Care

The Women’s Program at VETS provides a space for women in the military community to access positive social influences and a sense of belonging. Through weekly support groups and workshops, participants engage in:

  • Self-care and boundary-setting
  • Communication and relationship skills
  • Holistic nutrition and mindfulness practices
  • Parenting and family dynamics
  • Spiritual well-being
  • Community-building and peer mentorship

The healing journey is best traveled with a supportive and understanding community. At VETS, we believe that when women invest in their well-being, they create stronger families, healthier relationships, and a more resilient military community.

Further Reading & Resources to Support Your Growth

The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership – Heather Plett

Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind – Joyce Meyer

From Triggered to Tranquil – Susan Campbell

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself – Melody Beattie

How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships – Dr. Nicole LePera

The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship – Don Miguel Ruiz

Your healing matters. And when you take care of yourself, you strengthen not only your own future—but the future of those around you.