As a member of the U.S. Air Force, I was trained to operate at peak readiness, precision, and performance. These qualities are critical to fulfilling the mission of the conventional armed forces—whether in times of peace or during combat operations abroad. But in U.S. Special Operations Command, the stakes are even higher.

Our nation’s most elite service members are selected, trained, and deployed for some of the most dangerous missions imaginable. As an enlisted crewmember on the AC-130U gunship, I was responsible for high-stakes reconnaissance and interdiction missions deep behind enemy lines. We also delivered close air support to protect special operations teams on the ground. The physical and mental demands of the job were relentless. Every mission required precision, restraint, and the ability to eliminate threats with deadly accuracy—all while ensuring the safety of our own forces. We did our job well, and in doing so, we saved countless lives.

But the mission eventually took a toll on my mind and heart.

What happens after the uniform comes off? After retirement or medical separation, the body may be done—but the mind doesn’t always get the memo. For me, it felt like I was still flying endless left-hand orbits in a gunship—circling, looping, locked into patterns I couldn’t break. I couldn’t stop reliving those missions. That precision I once prided myself on became a curse. I grew hyper-critical, reactive, and disconnected. My thoughts consumed me. I lost connection with my family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. I was still at war—with the world, with those I loved, and with myself.

At my lowest point, the story my mind was telling nearly cost me my life.

Then, I found VETS.

With the support of a Foundational Healing Grant from Veterans Exploring Treatment Solutions , I was given something I never thought possible again: a chance to heal. Through a carefully supported psychedelic-assisted therapy experience and the wrap-around care that followed, I began to break the cycle. I reclaimed my life. I found something I thought was long gone: my Self—and yes, there’s a difference between self and Self.

For the first time in a long time, I learned what it meant to respond rather than react. I found peace. I found love. I found purpose beyond the mission. VETS didn’t just help me survive—they helped me rewire the default setting from decades of war to a lifetime of peace.

The war inside is over.

Peace is possible.

With deep gratitude, KPK