My husband, Brandon and I met late in his military career, just about 10 months prior to his retirement from the Navy. When we met, I saw a man at a crossroads - trying to take accountability and desperate for change, yet he still had one foot on the destructive path he had spent so many years traveling. I didn’t know what the future held for us, but I felt called to partner with the Lord in speaking life over Brandon and to reflect truth to a soul that had been oppressed by darkness for so long. It has been a turbulent but rewarding journey with my husband.

In October of 2021, we found out a teammate of Brandon’s had taken his own life. This loss hit especially hard as their stories shared a lot of similarities. Brandon felt like he was going to be next if he didn’t make drastic changes. He decided to work with his provider to get off all the psychiatric medications he had been on for at least 4 years, which really didn’t seem to be helping much. The withdrawals from the two SSRIs in particular was terrible - his anger escalated to a frightening level, the night sweats and night terrors became more intense and frequent, and his moods became even more unpredictable. During that time a friend had suggested he investigate psychedelic treatment. We found the VETS website, applied, and late November of 2021 we had his intake call. I remember both of us crying during and after that call as we felt so much hope that there was a future for Brandon that could involve truly living and not being a slave to pharmaceuticals to barely function.

Brandon’s symptoms continued to plague him up until the time he left for his ibogaine retreat in Mexico in January of 2022. Because of the state he was in, he did not have the capacity to dive into intention setting. I remember right before he left, I asked him what he hoped to get out of the treatment. He couldn’t vocalize much other than wanting relief. I felt inspired to tell him that I hoped the treatment would allow him to see himself the way God sees him, or at the very least the way I see him. Brandon did not have a visual or ‘typical’ psychedelic experience, but he came away with a deep knowing that he is truly loved by his Creator and said he was able to feel love for the first time in his life. My flesh wanted to react with incredulousness (you mean you haven’t felt my love all this time!?!?) but in the spirit I knew exactly what he was talking about. To awaken to and feel the Father’s unique love for us firsthand is a profound experience. I realized that he received exactly what I hoped for his journey, so how could I respond with anything but joy! This was my first time truly witnessing how the Lord uses us as his imagers to give voice to and partner with His plans. ‘Nothing is more appealing than speaking beautiful, life-giving words. For they release sweetness to our souls and inner healing to our spirits.’ (Proverbs 16:24 TPT)

There was so much improvement right away. He was much more interested in life and engaged with others. The night sweats and terrors immediately ceased. However, due to ongoing life circumstances and a rawness that was exposed in finally having the eyes of his heart illuminated to truth – he found himself still dealing with suicidal ideation. We made the decision for him to go back down to Mexico for ibogaine in August of 2022. I was concerned that maybe ibogaine wasn’t going to ‘work’ for him in the way we had hoped it would, that we were just going to be chasing psychedelics now instead of pharmaceuticals. That has not been the case. Brandon had an extremely spiritual experience on his second ibogaine retreat that shattered chains of bondage that held him captive since childhood and were exacerbated by his combat experiences. I saw a transition from a man who did not enjoy leaving the house and only felt comfortable around people with his service dog, to a man who loves to meet new people, speak words of encouragement to them, and help them unlock their own identity in Christ. It is hard to describe how his eyes went from dark and lifeless to full of hope and joy. He has faith larger than a mustard seed and a sense of purpose that did not exist before ibogaine helped him step into a relationship with God. His laugh can be heard echoing throughout any building he is in, he genuinely impacts people with his candor, and his hugs are legendary.

While Brandon continued his healing journey after ibogaine, I found that no longer needing to use my energy in managing his triggers and symptoms was resulting in an abundance of anxiety in me and was exceeding the tools I had cultivated to manage it. In August of 2024, I went to Mexico as a VETS grant recipient for a psilocybin and 5-meO-DMT retreat. The experience allowed me to release shame, pain, and condemnation that I had been carrying with me for a long time. I gained insight into the true source of the anxiety that had been burdening me. I have been able to begin to step out of living as a captive to fear. Brandon had the ability to be such a wonderful support in my integration process.

Neither of us is the same individual we were prior to our psychedelic therapy. Our capacity for love has deepened in such a profound way. Since we have seen the impact the words we speak over ourselves and others have, we have committed to learning how to be in a relationship with healthy and positive communication. Thanks to many VETS workshops we have been given the tools to be able to be successful in this. Renewing our minds to this new way of viewing and operating in life has taken commitment, but the results are worth the effort. I have been blessed to witness an actual miracle of seeing my husband be transformed into the man that God created him to be and to get both his feet on the narrow path. We are forever grateful to Amber & Marcus, all of the VETS staff, VETS community, and the many donors that have supported VETS over the years.